Well, day 2. No problem.
I started at-work Weight Watchers almost 2 months ago. I have lost 12 lbs. The past 2 weeks I have gained. Same ole trend. Same old monster. Up a little... eat more. Up at lot...don't bother getting weighed. That's my self-destructive nature.
I have finally gotten back on track and its time to head back for a weigh in this week. I can weigh on wednesday, thursday and saturday mornings. My weigh in day is going to now be thursday. We'll talk more about that on Thursday.
I went water running this afternoon. Barb was teaching and there was only two other ladies there. I put myself through a pretty tough run and i can feel it tonight.
As far as food, I'm ok today. I had a personal goal. I woke up and had oatmeal this morning. I then left to get groceries and was hungry afterwards but was on my way to the pool. I grabbed a banana from the bag and had that on my way down. I remember thinking "good for you, any other time it would be drive-thru"... I made healthy pizza tonight. Ate probably too much but within my calorie and points. Its 8pm now and i am still full so thats a bonus. No snacks tonight. I have points left though.. I get 55 pts per day and still have 20pts. I dont think I could get another bite in.
Another thing that I am in the process of doing is trying to get myself off of diet pepsi. I havent had any since sunday. Today its not bad. I did buy some today only because I had to sign in at the 50/50 and use our debit card. Its here in the fridge and i chose to drink water tonight with my pizza.
I gave up diet soda one other time for about 5 months. Why I started again, I am not sure. I guess its like everything else. I always feel so much better when im not drinking it. I'm sure its the chemicals in it.
I've realized over the past few days that I have to admit to myself that I am a food addict. I am considering looking for a therapist when i go back to work. I may have to look for someone in Charlottetown or even moncton but i'm thinking a few sessions might shed some light on whats going on with me...
I'm doing it this time. This time its for life. No matter what what is around the corner of this long, winding road...
Tuesday, 2 April 2013
Monday, 1 April 2013
The road has many twists and turns
So here I start... April 1st, 2013. Its about the millionth time I started in the last 32 years. Yes, it's the road to skinney. I've seen the beginning more times than I care to count. At least once a year from the time I turned 7 years old to my almost 39 yrs. That means at least 32 times, and if I am being honest, its probably well over 50 times, I have made the committment to lose the weight. To lose the monster that follows me every day.
I am so tired of starting. Why I cant just finish it? I cant answer that. If I could, I'd be a size 10 and rich. Its an age old question that I realize most at one point of time in their lives wish they had the answer.
I have tried pretty much every fad diet in existance. I have lived on cabbage and grapefruit. I have starved. I have used weight loss drugs, both over the counter and prescription. I have had short term success and I have had disappointments. One thing I haven't had that was consistant was weight loss.
In 2004 I turned 30. I knew I was fat. It wasnt a big surprise. However I dont think I realized just how much I had gained. The last time I had seen myself in a picture was when my husband and i got married in 2001. Those pictures were great. When i saw myself in my birthday pictures, well, it broke my heart. After that I decided to get weighed. I had gained about 90lbs in 3 years.
Following that was my first serious attempt to lose weight. I wanted to be around for my husband. He deserved a wife who was active, not one he had to take care of. He deserved to have his wife forever, till death did we part, and I didnt want death to be anytime soon and I was headed in that direction.
Over the next 18 months, i worked my ass off, literally. I lost almost 140lbs. I ate properly. I worked out. I was dropping weight so fast. I was on cloud 9. Life was getting better day by day.
I dont have a clue what happened.
I stopped.
We bought our home and we got busy. We stopped eating properly. We were busy. We stopped working out. We were busy. We started working other jobs, part-time. We were busy. It was so easy to use that as an excuse. We are busy. Truth is, I lost focus.
Here we are, almost 5 years to the day later. I have gained back almost 100lbs. So here I stand, 20 lbs heavier per year, in front of all of you, in my sweatpants, once again, starting over.
I am so tired of starting. Why I cant just finish it? I cant answer that. If I could, I'd be a size 10 and rich. Its an age old question that I realize most at one point of time in their lives wish they had the answer.
I have tried pretty much every fad diet in existance. I have lived on cabbage and grapefruit. I have starved. I have used weight loss drugs, both over the counter and prescription. I have had short term success and I have had disappointments. One thing I haven't had that was consistant was weight loss.
In 2004 I turned 30. I knew I was fat. It wasnt a big surprise. However I dont think I realized just how much I had gained. The last time I had seen myself in a picture was when my husband and i got married in 2001. Those pictures were great. When i saw myself in my birthday pictures, well, it broke my heart. After that I decided to get weighed. I had gained about 90lbs in 3 years.
Following that was my first serious attempt to lose weight. I wanted to be around for my husband. He deserved a wife who was active, not one he had to take care of. He deserved to have his wife forever, till death did we part, and I didnt want death to be anytime soon and I was headed in that direction.
Over the next 18 months, i worked my ass off, literally. I lost almost 140lbs. I ate properly. I worked out. I was dropping weight so fast. I was on cloud 9. Life was getting better day by day.
I dont have a clue what happened.
I stopped.
We bought our home and we got busy. We stopped eating properly. We were busy. We stopped working out. We were busy. We started working other jobs, part-time. We were busy. It was so easy to use that as an excuse. We are busy. Truth is, I lost focus.
Here we are, almost 5 years to the day later. I have gained back almost 100lbs. So here I stand, 20 lbs heavier per year, in front of all of you, in my sweatpants, once again, starting over.
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