The road has many twists and turns

So here I start... April 1st, 2013. Its about the millionth time I started in the last 32 years. Yes, it's the road to skinney. I've seen the beginning more times than I care to count. At least once a year from the time I turned 7 years old to my almost 39 yrs. That means at least 32 times, and if I am being honest, its probably well over 50 times, I have made the committment to lose the weight. To lose the monster that follows me every day.

I am so tired of starting. Why I cant just finish it? I cant answer that. If I could, I'd be a size 10 and rich. Its an age old question that I realize most at one point of time in their lives wish they had the answer.

I have tried pretty much every fad diet in existance. I have lived on cabbage and grapefruit. I have starved. I have used weight loss drugs, both over the counter and prescription. I have had short term success and I have had disappointments. One thing I haven't had that was consistant was weight loss.

In 2004 I turned 30. I knew I was fat. It wasnt a big surprise. However I dont think I realized just how much I had gained. The last time I had seen myself in a picture was when my husband and i got married in 2001. Those pictures were great. When i saw myself in my birthday pictures, well, it broke my heart. After that I decided to get weighed. I had gained about 90lbs in 3 years.

Following that was my first serious attempt to lose weight. I wanted to be around for my husband. He deserved a wife who was active, not one he had to take care of. He deserved to have his wife forever, till death did we part, and I didnt want death to be anytime soon and I was headed in that direction.

Over the next 18 months, i worked my ass off, literally. I lost almost 140lbs. I ate properly. I worked out. I was dropping weight so fast. I was on cloud 9. Life was getting better day by day.

I dont have a clue what happened.

I stopped.

We bought our home and we got busy. We stopped eating properly. We were busy. We stopped working out. We were busy. We started working other jobs, part-time. We were busy. It was so easy to use that as an excuse. We are busy. Truth is, I lost focus.

Here we are, almost 5 years to the day later. I have gained back almost 100lbs. So here I stand, 20 lbs heavier per year, in front of all of you, in my sweatpants, once again, starting over.